Welcome to Watch List, where we identify five things on TV to watch while you stay at home and make anonymous YouTube videos featuring your wife’s feet. LET’S GO!
A HOME FOR THE HOLIDAYS – 8:00PM (CBS) CBS’ annual holiday adoption benefit airs again this evening, featuring performances from Melissa Etheridge, Maroon 5, Ricky Martin, Nelly, and Katy Perry. And now Katy Perry has officially overtaken Taylor Swift for the Most Award Show/Holiday Special Appearances trophy. My stocking has runneth over with Katyperryness. It’s almost as if she’s mandatory holiday décor now, not unlike mistletoe or the puddle of sick I leave in my living room every night after drinking too much nog. Don’t judge me. It’s festive! ANTICIPATION: KATY IS NOT UNATTRACTIVE!
TOP CHEF ALL STARS – 10:00PM (Bravo – an NBC/Universal network) And thank goodness they gave Stephen the boot last week. That guy… Holy smokes. I can’t use the word on a family site like this, but suffice it to say he was perhaps the biggest gooshgag I’ve seen in the history of the show. I liked when Spike said he could pour the wine for his team. BURNNNNN. This week, the contestants have to make a holiday stuffing dish without using knives or kitchen tools. But you know what they can use? Bathroom caulk. Delicious. ANTICIPATION: FOOD PORN!
BIOGRAPHY: JOHN BELUSHI – 9:00PM (Biography) You likely know how this two-hour special will end. But watch anyway for the ten-second clips of Samurai Deli before they get to all the sad stuff. ANTICIPATION: SPEEDBALL!
WORLD’S OLDEST CONJOINED TWINS COME HOME – 8:00PM (TLC) And it’s about time they came home. They’ve been out partying and shaking their conjoined booties for too long! Tonight, meet the Gaylon brothers, the 58-year-old conjoined twins moving back in with their brother. It’s just like that failed William Shatner sitcom I dreamt up not too long ago. ANTICIPATION: FREAKY!
UNTOLD STORIES OF THE ER – 9:00PM (TLC) This is my favorite show to look up in the guide because I never know if this is the week when they tell me a man will walk into the hospital with a sword coming out of his eye. Anyway, tonight you get a man whose breath smells like mothballs. In other words, he’s probably your grandpa. ANTICIPATION: MOTHY!