Is There a Registry for Getting Out of Bad Parties?

The shopping season is fully upon us, and registries are all the rage -- literally, in some corners. No longer the province of the bride and new baby, people are registering themselves for things they want (finishing that figurine collection, a pashmina in every color, forks to match the spoons). While we remain solidly in the camp of seeing what homemade scarf Mom is going to knit for us -- even if her choice of green is a bit *too* green, we always love it -- we've got a few places we wouldn't mind putting our name in:

"The Never, Ever Get This For Me Again" Store: If you ever mention you think pigs are cute in the presence of a loved one, you are assured to get pig-themed collectibles for the rest of your life, and maybe well beyond your natural life, too. It's impossible to stop. Registering at this store says you never have to buy a pig thing for me again. Save your money, loved ones. Take yourselves out on the town. Just stop. Thank you.

"The Party We Said Yes To But Now Don't Feel Like Attending" Store: We all know this store very well. It's packed with people we like, and food and drink, too, but we're just too damn tired. Long day and all. If we registered here, perhaps we'd get a few "get out of this party free and with no excuses" coupons from caring pals. No squirming. No stammering apologies. We just get to stay home and watch TV with a clear mind.

Animal Shelters: For real. We're sure we're not onto anything new -- various rescue groups have lists of people waiting for greyhounds and other pups -- but perhaps people can register their names with the places they support, and loved ones always know where a donation would be welcome. We're not just talking money, either -- blankets, food, toys, construction supplies, volunteer hours.

We also wouldn't be above putting our names in at the bacon store, the fun sock store, the popcorn hut... Where would you register?

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