So your company's been bought by a Silicon Valley juggernaut and your options include heading west and assimilating to a foreign culture. Maybe this list will help a little.
Geography: That big-ass lake? That's the ocean.
Tip 1: It's OK to tell your wife you got crabs downtown.
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Baseball: Our players have rings. And that's sushi at the ballpark, too.
Pizza: Please bring your pizza skills, ok? Ours can have tofu.
Weather: You know how cold your winters are? That's summer in San Francisco.
More baseball: The difference between a Chicago Cubs Hot Dog and a Giants Hot Dog ... You can get a Giants Dog in October.
Of Note: Our Macy's have always been called Macy's
Tip 2: The "L" means lesbian here.
More Food: We have brats, too, but we discipline ours.
Tip 3: There are Raiders fans and 49ers fans. Pick.
Real Estate: It's a wash. You'll find Mountain View and the nearby towns similar to Lincoln Park and its satellites.
Commuting: When BART isn't shutting itself down, hackers like Anonymous might be. You'll need a Prius or, in Mountain View, probably a Tesla.
Wildlife: Da Bears? Yeah, they're actual bears.
Weather 2: Think of fog as snow's shadowy cousin.