What Your Halloween Costume Says About You

Buying a $39.99 vinyl costume will not make you look model hot. Promise.

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Carolyn DiFrancesco
Sexy Pirate / Sexy Nurse / Sexy Whatever: What you lack in imagination you make up for with an ample bosom, a flat stomach, and/or an alluring affinity for whorish behavior. You think your costume makes you seem daring, even though 90% of women are wearing the same thing. You'll probably hook up with the guy dressed as a One Night Stand. High five.
grillo grillo
Don Draper: You work in finance and didn't buy a costume. The irony of dressing in the costume of a man who is his own costume escapes you.
An Anthropomorphized Pun: You think, rightly, that Halloween is a contest of wits. But by wearing a pig snout and covering yourself in Latin phrases, you've only proven that you're well read, cunning, and going home alone.
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Kate Gosslin: You're a middle-aged Bonnie Hunt fan with a penchant for Ore-ida french fries, or a young editorial assistant with a penchant for tired irony. You either think the real Kate's "a hoot," or you're cathartically acting out your fear of growing old. You're outnumbered by men dressed (accidentally) as Jon Gosslin who slur "I wanna drink your MILFshake."
Sexy My Little Pony: Your sexual deviancy is both alluring and, considering the bestiality undertones, probably illegal in several counties. Kudos.
Vampiress: You think your interest in eroticized bloodsuckers implies a sinister edge, but everybody realizes you're a hopeless romantic who's sublimating her desire for a committed relationship. You have goth and emo tendencies. Also probably acne.
Zombie Michael Jackson: Your combination of two popular Halloween motifs is efficient, well executed, and completely boring.
Bad-Era MJ: You identify with MJ's child-like wonder, his rhythmic syncopation, and fear of illegitimate children. You have an uncanny moonwalk that, while impressive, does nothing to attract the opposite sex. Everyone is weary of hearing you say "ee-hee," "hoo," and "go on girl."
Berwick Police
Barack Obama: You are Shepard Fairey.
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