It's funny that something that will essentially be destroyed, or at least ripped, with enthusiasm and excitement, is getting an elegant unveiling.
But such is the singular fate of the Oscar envelope. It's the iconic item behind the much-called-upon phrase "and the envelope, please," and it is the smallish square that Academy Awards audiences see a couple dozen times during the big night.
Now the Academy has debuted a fresh envelope, complete with tiny statues on the lining and handsome wine-and-gold hues. And let us not forget the little ribbon-bow thingamabob, which just puts the fancy in a fancy night.
Excuse us, for a moment, as we speak directly to potential Oscar winners here. If you are one, hi. Nervous? Don't be. So here's the thing. Keep. Your. Envelope. In pains us to see stars toss 'em or hand 'em back to the presenter. It pains anyone possessing the scrapbooker's scrappy spirit.
And that's all of us, right? A bit.
Just pocket your envelope, then hand it to your significant other later. They your S.O. can give you your rippy envelope when you return home. You'll be so glad you kept it. Hang it on the fridge. Or put it in your "My Famous Hollywood Life" scrapbook. (We hope you have such a thing.)
But please. No rattled-off list of names, after you're called up there. We know this isn't envelope-related but we just have to say. What you should do is say an url, live, on air, and then, at that site, list every person you want to thank and why, in detail. With photos and cute winky icons.
Cold? We don't mean it to be. And, above all, thank your mother on-air. DO NOT stick her over at your url. Please.