The personal ad would go something like this:
Potty-mouthed, ego-centric, possibly sociopathic celebrity chef seeks downtrodden restaurant staff in need of an ass-whooping. Will take your struggling eatery from a "D" to an "A" rating (oh there will be soul-crushing). Must love humiliation, screaming and spit. Criers preferred. Cooking talent a plus. Fifteen minutes of fame guaranteed.