Frank talk: If you're wading into an especially wicked scenario, one you rarely encounter, if ever, the kind of adventure that will deliver unto you all sorts of dastardly, skin-prickling path-crossings, you'll likely want a skilled someone leading your group through the thickets and thorns.
But few visitors to our region's autumntime themed screams, those haunted theme park happenings rife with monstrous mazes, can elect to have a guide, as well as a full-on, evening-enhancing experience.
There's a change in the wind, though, and the brand-new, starting-in-2017 R.I.P. Tour at Halloween Horror Nights is blowing this way on a great and ghoulish gust.
What to do, where to go and what to see
The multi-week annual Universal Studios Hollywood event is known for its movie-quality mazes and shows, ghosty goings-on open to all guests, but the just-announced R.I.P. Tour will go even further into the frights.
Those 2017 frights will include mazes based on "The Shining," "American Horror Story: Roanoke," and "Ash vs Evil Dead." Hip hop dance crew The Jabbawockeez will return, and open-all-year "The Walking Dead" maze will be on the devious docket.
Yeah. That R.I.P. Tour could come in very handy, eek-seekers.
Step one if you sign up? You'll meet "an exclusive VIP guide" who will lead you to the front of the line at each and every maze. Oh, and you'll nab "unlimited" front-of-the-line opportunities during your chosen night, so there's no need to carefully keep track of how many times you've used this particular privilege, lest your queue-joining chances run out.
They will not.
Suhhhh-weet, with all the extra "h" action we can possibly muster, seems like the only appropriate response.
Step two? There's a "gourmet buffet dinner," complete with a pair of drinks, should you want to keep your strength up as you bravely face what is lurking inside each maze you prepare to enter.
And step three? This is really a step one, as it'll start your evening, and a step four, as it'll end it, but check it out: Valet parking. Because, honest now, it would be nice to save those extra steps for shambling between each maze and the Terror Tram.
Have a group? Of course, because horror film plots often feature a cadre of pals entering the villain's lair or evil castle. No worries: Your R.I.P Tour booking can handle groups of up to 14 phantoms.
Date one? Opening night is Friday, Sept. 15. Yes, that's not even in the fall, fright fans, which means Halloween Horror Nights kicks off while summer is still sizzling. Your wait time to your favorite frightful fun time is short.
Final night? Saturday, Nov. 4, so you can push the eerie revelries well beyond All Hallow's Eve.
There are a number of ticket and pass options, like After 2 p.m. Day/Night combo tickets, and a gotta-go-a-lot Frequent Fear Pass, so eyeball everything before landing upon your final ticket choice.
Universal Studios and NBC Owned TV Stations operate under the same parent company NBCUniversal.