Welcome to Watch List, where we identify five things on TV to watch while you stay at home and teach the dog sign language. LET’S GO!
MEAT AMERICA – 9:00PM (History Channel) Chef Jamie Stachowski takes a look at the history and use of beef, pork, and chicken in America. Did you know that, back in 1840’s, chicken meat was used to insulate city townhouses? It’s true! (NOTE: It is not true.) Expect many glaring stats regarding the staggering amount of dead animal flesh we Americans consume. I bet the average American eats well over 50 tons of bacon a month. I couldn’t be prouder of us as a nation. We know what’s good. ANTICIPATION: BACON!
THE TONIGHT SHOW WITH JAY LENO – 11:30PM (NBC) I can’t believe it, but we have a Chris Tucker sighting. Fun facts about Chris Tucker: he hasn’t made a movie in four years; he has been in only three movies in the past 13 years, all of which were “Rush Hour” movies. He might just be the smartest actor in Hollywood. He gets paid a boatload of money for one horrible sequel after another and then goes away and enjoys his cash. I admire his blatant slothfulness. It takes onions to do what most actors really want to do, which is nothing. ANTICIPATION: TUCKER!
ONE MAN ARMY – 10:00PM (Discovery) Oh, people. Oh, this show is so cheesy. Everything about it, from the music to the graphics that are supposed to look like the Terminator’s viewfinder. And the host, whose name is Myke (MYKE!), talks like Batman! He does! He’s all growly and stuff. You know he’s purposely talking deeper to sound tougher. It’s awesome. And the contestants are pretty much the biggest steakheads you’ll ever find. DURRR I’M TOUGHER THAN YEW DURRRRR… So, so bad. ANTICIPATION: TESTOSTERONE!
E! TRUE HOLLYWOOD STORY – 10:00PM (E!) Watch as E! bravely tries to fill 44 minutes of airtime with a biography of Snooki. Expect a great deal of long, holding shots on various magazine covers. E! knows how to milk time out of anything. ANTICIPATION: SNOOKIFIED!
MAN VS. FOOD NATION – 9:00PM (Travel Channel) A viewer attempts to eat 15 scoops of ice cream at Louisville’s Comfy Cow ice cream parlor. Simply watching it will give you lactose intolerance. ANTICIPATION: FAT!