Ballpark Food Just Got Bigger — Like, Lots Bigger

It's right around this time of year that we start thinking about spring crocuses, the stinging sound of a baseball bat connecting with a ball, jumbotrons catching lovers mid-kiss, and how many roasted, get-the-fingers-salty peanuts we'll down during the grassiest, homerun-iest season of the year.

Ballpark food is a beautiful thing that has its moment, of course. We don't want to live on cotton candy, hot popcorn, and fried, dippable things, but do we want our Dodger Dog, loaded with mustard-y goodness, come May? Yes, we do.

Fans of the West Michigan Whitecaps dreaming of their must-have park-based treats are in for a big, large, ginormous surprise this year: the buzz-garnering Fifth Third Burger. It's just impossible to describe this new menu item's big-osity, except to compare it to a planet, with cheese, that is edible. Whitecaps honchos say the bun-enclosed wonder comes in at just under 5,000 calories and tallies up about 300 grams of fat. Remarkable.

So, we're just wondering: how many times do we have to run the bases to work that one off? Maybe they'll keep the park open after games for burger fans looking to shake a few of those cals down. We'll just have to forgo any slides into home. Too -- full -- oh....

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