Tuesday Watch List: Rescue Me, Solved

Welcome to Watch List, where we identify five things on TV to watch while you stay at home and count down the days until the “Mad Men” season premiere. Only five days to go. I’m so excited, I’m gonna openly harass a female co-worker and smoke in the conference room. LET’S GO!

RESCUE ME – 10:00PM (FX) Okay, I’ve figured out this show. I mean, I’ve totally nailed it. Here is every episode of “Rescue Me”: Tommy engages in verbal sparring with wife and/or kids about drinking. Cut to firehouse. Everyone at firehouse verbally spars with one another. Enter Tommy, who then verbally spars with everyone in the firehouse. Enter Tommy’s mistress, who then verbally spars with him. Then cut to more verbal sparring with the wife, again about drinking. Then cut to Tommy contemplating drinking, and then drinking. Then, in the last five minutes of the episode, something dramatic happens. That’s the formula. I’m not complaining, I swear. Every show has a formula. I just happened to have solved this one just now. ANTICIPATION: VERBAL SPARRING AND DRINKING!

LOUIE – 11:00PM (FX) Somehow, this show only feels like it’s five minutes long. I mean that as a compliment, since it’s so funny and different and wonderful. But I swear, I turn it on and BOOM! It’s over! Just like that. We’re already on the fifth episode of a 13-episode run. GAH! That’s not enough! I need more Louie! ANTICIPATION: SHORT!

PRIMETIME: FAMILY SECRETS – 10:00PM (ABC) Tonight, ABC profiles a divorced couple forced to continue living together because they can’t sell their house. Ouch. Did they do that thing where they put masking tape down the center of the floor and claim sides to the house? Because that would add a dash of levity to an otherwise horrible situation. ANTICIPATION: TESTY!

KATHY GRIFFIN: MY LIFE ON THE D LIST – 10:00PM (Bravo – an NBC/Universal network) Kathy gets a pap smear. Listen lady, I respect your openness. But I don’t think we need you THAT open. ANTICIPATION: OPEN!

CHOPPED – 10:00PM (Food Network) C’mon, Food Network. Gimme Amanda Freitag. She’s so cool and saucy. FREITAG FREITAG FREITAG! (rolls dice) Darnit! I got frowny Alex Guarnaschelli again! CRIMINY! ANTICIPATION: MORE FREITAG!

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